Columbiana (2011) Movie Review.

Columbiana Will Be Legendary.
1 September 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Seriously. Kicks. A$$. Really. I don't understand what all the fuss is about - I walked into the theater expecting to see a poorly made, crappy movie where all the actors are uttering cheesy one-liners and doing unbelievably stupid stunts that did not add to the plot of the movie - this is what I was led to believe by all of the negative reviews. In fact, I almost did NOT see this movie in the theater at all. Boy, are all of the critics who posted horrible reviews of this movie WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

Columbiana, starring Zoe Saldana as the titular character, is a hotbed of action which steam-rolls through from beginning to end. Incredibly, the killing and other violent activities which form the basis of the movie do not bump the flick up from a PG-13 rating - how they did this, I will never know, because the movie is very, very violent. People talk about the lack of character development in this movie - that is just a big, steaming pile of horse manure.

Here's why: As most of you must know by now, the main character and protagonist, Cataleya Restrepo (Amandla Stenberg & Zoe Saldana), is the daughter of a kingpin in the drug trade. When Fabio (Jesse Borrego), Cataleya's father, decides to leave the particular drug cartel he is associated with, the cartel's Don or father, named Don Luis (Beto Benites) orders Fabio and his entire family killed. Fabio discovers the kill-order, and attempts to flee with his wife Alicia (Cynthia Addai-Robinson) and daughter, 10 year old Cataleya - but they are too late. Unfortunately, the parents are killed in an off-screen standoff-cum gun-battle inside their home while Cataleya sits terrified at the kitchen table. She does not see her parents killed, but she knows what has happened. THIS IS ALL THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT THIS TYPE OF MOVIE NEEDS. The violent murders of Cataleya's parents creates a thirst for vengeance which will not be sated until all parties involved suffer a similar fate. This is the movie's moment of truth: It defines the way the story is treated from that moment forward.

Critics have complained that the audience was not shown HOW Cataleya developed her childhood "parkour" or speedy obstacle navigation escape skills. That's just silly - first, the child of a drug kingpin in Bogota, Columbia would most likely be taught by her gun-wielding parents SOME type of self defense - which NEED NOT be part of the film's scope - second, any child who plays with other children knows how to run, jump and hide - and third, a terrified child is usually uniquely capable of eluding pursuers for a short period of time if given enough of a head-start.

I have also read complaints regarding Cataleya's lack of a personality - that's ridiculous. She is simply a vengeful bitch who does not lose focus - ever since escaping, her ultimate goal has been killing those responsible for murdering her family. We even get to see her interact lovingly with her uncle, Emilio Restrepo (Cliff Curtis), her grandmother, Mama (Ofelia Medina), her boyfriend, Danny Delanay (Michael Vartan), her adopted family, and her dogs. The movie is careful to show that while these parts of her personality are important to her, Cataleya cannot truly move forward with her emotional development until she has exacted her revenge.

Critics of the movie have complained about silly little cosmetic touches like Zoe wearing a black leotard, Zoe dancing in front of the camera, and Zoe sucking a lollipop. REALLY? Are these the things that make a movie BAD? Get real. The most important aspect of the movie for me is that Cataleya is forced to see that her single-minded focus on vengeance directly causes the remaining members of her family to be murdered. She is also forced to see what she has become when she faces FBI agent Ross (Lennie James) and threatens the lives of his family in order to assure his cooperation. Once this happens, and once Cataleya finally kills the man who ordered her family murdered, she is able to move forward with her development - and her life. The story has a neat, tidy ending, perhaps leaving the audience with a feeling as anticlimactic as Columbiana herself must have felt. Do yourself a favor - do not listen to the critics - see this movie and judge for yourself. Columbiana is a legendary piece of action filmmaking.

***This Review was also posted on Metacritic by ChipperX @ http://www.metacritic.com/user/ChipperX***
*** This Review was also posted on IMDB by ChipperX @ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1657507/reviews-43***

- Chipper F. Xavier, Esq.